Take A Step Back To Take A Step Forward
Soaking in the beautiful light whilst celebrating my birthday
Hearing “take a step back” sends shivers up my spine. Personally, it lends itself to a negative connotation. It makes me feel as though I was too hasty with the “thing” in the first place and I now must stop, rewind, recalibrate, and then go again. That sounds like a lot of personal work and frankly, exhausting.
Recently, the thought of “taking a step back” became something I realized I needed to dive deeper into given the current circumstances in my life. As of writing this post, I’ve spent the last year of my life living in a studio apartment on my own. Looking back now, I felt a calling to be on my own for a long time. I’m the baby of an immigrant family which meant our core family group was never the only one in the house. We had a full house of different family members constantly in and out as they, too, migrated to this country. I’ve been used to activity and movement around me for as long as I can remember. So when the opportunity arose to be able to live on my own, I took it! Plus, like “they” say, one should live on their own at least once in their life. The experience was, as I like to describe it, delicious.
I’ve since had to make a decision that has required extreme amounts of contemplation and self-awareness. My choices may not have been what one would call the most thought out when it came to leaving my job to become an actress. That particular decision was one of existential self-preservation and plans as to how I was going to support myself BE DAMNED! Needless to say, that’s not the most sustainable way to go about navigating this world which brings me to my current situation… I have to move back in with my sister.
This is the decision that made me feel as though I was taking a step back. I found myself and my energy extremely affected by this decision and eventual thought process. I questioned so much about myself and ultimately the things I’d clearly formed attachments to. I identified so strongly with being the girl who moved out on her own and was making it happen in a studio apartment. With an address on Melrose no less!
While I was coming to terms with the fact that I was moving back in with my sister, I started getting really frustrated with feeling frustrated about the whole thing. I’m thankful for the intense spiritual work I’ve been doing for the past year because it made me realize what I was actually doing. Resisting. My preoccupation with viewing the decision I had to make as a “step back” was hindering the forward momentum the Universe was injecting into my life path. I was resisting so strongly the things that were clearly meant for me. Regardless of whether I welcome it with open arms or define it as a “step back”, those things will find me.
Letting go of that resistance was the first challenged to tackle as I allowed the space for an active shift of perspective. There are no longer going to be any “steps back”. Every experience is for my continued benefit and eternal purpose. And even when things feel like a step back, I now have the self-awareness to catch myself in those moments to recognize how far I’ve actually come. Now I’ll save even more money while reconnecting with my sister. If that isn’t a step forward, I don’t know what is!
What are some ways you’ve turned a step back into a step forward?! Asking for a friend ;P