Who's In Charge Here? Oh, I Am...

Visual Representation of me reparenting myself. Artwork by Amanda Oleander.

I would never presume to tell you how to use this time we’ve all got in quarantine. I don’t even have a routine yet so I’m definitely not one to talk. However, with all this space our schedules now have, it’s hard not to wonder how to make use of this time to do more for ourselves. A strong narrative coming into this quarantine was/is one of “productivity”. All the calls to make sure we use our time to accomplish all the things we would have had we had the time. To make sure you’re still changing out of your pajamas every morning...or into a fresh new set at the very least. And while I find all this extremely daunting and it is 100% TOTALLY FINE if we as humans going through a pandemic don’t come out of this with 5 businesses and a clear 10-year plan, I still want to feel and do believe we can all attain some type of personal progress during our time in confinement. And there’s always so much more to learn about ourselves and the world around us!

With the arrival of the latest Super Moon (she was Pink if you weren’t paying attention) came fresh energy that’s all about relationships. More specifically energy that helps you truly determine what relationships serve your highest purpose and, going further, what energies within your relationships serve your highest purpose. Anything that does not serve is gone. This energy has no business being in your life other than the lesson it gives. But how do we determine the difference between energy that serves and energy that doesn’t within a relationship? 

And what does this have to do with productivity??!

I believe the answer lies in the granddaddy of all relationships...the one we have with ourselves. By diving into and really working on this relationship, we are able to construct a blueprint of our own behavioral and energetic selves which is invaluable in our ability to positively navigate our own responses throughout our life experiences. Such a necessary ability under normal circumstances but specifically during these unprecedented times. The best way to do this, in my opinion, is through the process of “reparenting”.

Talkspace®️, a digital therapy service, defines reparenting as:

“based on the belief that many psychological issues stem from a child growing up without his or her needs being met...Reparenting is going back to the stage in which the adult was wronged as a child, and satisfying or making peace with the inner child hidden inside. This is done by giving the satisfactory response and fulfilling the needs that were required at that time by self-counseling or therapy.”

We humans have an innate ability to repress our emotional responses to experiences as we move day to day, moment to moment. We’re way too busy to process whatever emotional disturbances occurred throughout the day, let alone past traumas. Which brings me back to the opening of this discussion. We’ve got all the time in the world with all this mandatory social distancing/quarantining/self-isolation that is happening for the foreseeable future. Especially if you’re one of the lucky ones that get to be safe at home while our world is ravaged by fever. And trust me, while we are safe at home, life’s stressors are right at home with us...and they’ve been magnified due to the figurative space now available for them to pop up spontaneously and with higher frequency. Even for those that have a generally sunny disposition, it’s still hard to navigate the uncertainty that’s gripped all of humanity. When I start feeling overwhelmed, I remember that I can turn to myself through reparenting. 

Reparenting is you being the one you needed to handle things when you were younger. The adult in the room is now you and you’ve got this shit on lock. You are your child and you know you better than anyone else. Every anxiety or disturbance is dealt with swiftly and succinctly because you’ve been here before (history repeats, blah blah) and know what will serve you and what will not. Reparenting gives you authority over your inner self allowing you the “permission” you need to take care of yourself as you see fit. It’s the process of giving yourself routine, discipline and, more importantly, the unconditional love you so deserve. It takes self-awareness, consistency, and a whole lot of patience. This process allows for active communication with your inner self. I promise there is a wealth of information yearning to be learned. And it will teach you so many things that can help you thrive and find peace...if you let it.  

This is my version of productivity. By using this time to reparent myself I know I’ll look back and feel I’ve done something. There’s nothing tangible and there’s no need for there to be any such thing at the end of this quarantine. I’m satisfied knowing I’ll be able to walk through my life with the quiet certitude that I’ve got my own back. I’ve done the work necessary to gain the tools specific to my needs for my unique experience on this earth. Work that creates a much more impactful way to live my life right now and going further. This world has yet to show me all of her immensity. And honestly, I want to be prepared when she does. 

How would reparenting yourself look and feel?